LWOT: Winter 2010

The new issue of LWOT: The World's Greatest Fiction Magazine, is now available for electro-perusal through the magic of your internets-machine! Featuring stories from award-winner Kenneth Radu, Lindsay Foran, Richard Scarsbrook, Rebecca Chua, Crystal Bourque, and Frank Talaber.

Jared Young is Interviewed

Pick up the latest issue of On Spec to gain some fascinating insights into the life and times of your favorite writer. No, not Dean Koontz, Master of Suspense. Jared Young, Master of Awkward Silences.

The interview was conducted by the very patient and multi-talented Roberta Laurie, who somehow managed to make my inane, self-centered ramblings seem coherent. For example:

“I just think that there is a lot more to Canadian writing than what is broadly published and marketed as representative of our national literature. It's not all alcoholic bush-pilots and quirky immigrant families in Toronto/Montreal. Why can't killer lava-robots from Alpha-Centauri be representative of a Canadian aesthetic?”

If I can be remembered for just one quote, that better be it.

Rabbit at Rest: John Updike 1932-2009

An Excerpt: The Laziest Generation

"Can you tell, Kyushu? We’re not that big on work, my peers and I. It’s not just me; we’re an entire generation that despises and detests and loathes and abhors our jobs. There is a disconnect between our sense of survival and the concept of work; the very concept of work, in fact, is incomprehensible to us. Why do we do it? We don’t know. The connection between work and subsistence is so far behind us it has blurred into the horizon along with other historical notions like fiefdom and human sacrifice and cracking rocks together to make flame. Work is simply that thing that comes after school, the thing you do during weekdays when you’re not living your life. But we’re not lazy, Kyushu. No, it has nothing to do with ambition or enthusiasm. Our work is simply too obscure, too transitory, too inexplicable: we run programming tests on software that tests the programming of embedded hardware; we create and manage marketing communications plans for the managers of online marketing companies; we develop development reports for developers in developing countries. No one builds things anymore. There are no more factories, no more trades. Where’s the fulfillment that railroad men must have felt when the ties and slats and rails they bound carried the weight of some iron behemoth hurtling towards a mysterious far coast. Where’s that solid sense of accomplishment that comes with the creation of a simple physical object, a strut or bolt, a thing you can carry in your hand. The fruits of our labor exist, for the most part, in some theoretical phantom-zone. There is no strut, there is no train. We trade in an economy of opinion. And those weekly paychecks we’ve been raised to worship? Nothing more than anachronistic totems of the defunct economic past. These compound job titles? Fashion accessories as easily changed and exchanged as a vehicle or stereo or T-shirt."

Jared Young Lives...

Alive? Yep.

Well? Fairly.

Writing? As always.

Crippled by all-consuming fear of failure as each passing minute squanders another small bit of diminishing potential for greatness? Absolutely!

Best not to think about it. Hey, look, pretty pictures!

Reviews: Jared Young is "Pretty Good, Too"

Here are the brilliant and insightful reviews of The McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes that, rightly, mention me by name:

Citizen Reader
Blogcritics Magazine
Small Spiral Notebook (which somehow makes reference to my essay that was cut from the final draft)

As well, here are some supposed "media outlets" that felt it uneccessary to single me out in their poorly-written, gender-biased reviews.

Slate
Publisher's Weekly
Bookgasm

Also, NPR produced a short segment on the book, in which they apparently run out of time before they can discuss the unadulterated brilliance of my contribution. You can listen to it anyways, by going here.

Jared Young Has Nothing to Brag About

In the meantime, watch this.

Coming Soon...

"You see, Kyushu: the crumbling plane, the nameless time-travel experience…that isn’t the interesting part."

Maisonneuve Nominated for Magazine of the Year

Buoyed by the inclusion of my transcendent work, Maisonneuve is up for "Magazine of the Year" at the National Magazine Awards. Finally, Pro Wrestling Illustrated's long reign comes to an end.

Maisonneuve is also up for awards in the Fiction, Investigative Reporting, Politics & Public Interest, and Science, Technology & Environment categories. As well, the cover of the food issue (above) was nominated for Best Cover, thanks in no small part to my tiny, tiny by-line. It really brought the overleaf together.

See the full list of nominees here.

The McSweeney's Joke Book Of Book Jokes

The finest humor anthology ever written is now available at Chapters and Amazon. It’s the perfect gift for book-snobs who like to make obscure literary references at parties to conceal their friendless self-loathing.

My piece even gets a shout-out on the jacket. The back of the jacket, that is. I’m going to have my publicist look into that. Simply unacceptable. If I’ve told her once, I’ve told her a thousand times…twenty-point font with glitter outline.

The book also features an introduction from John Hodgeman, who you might know from The Daily Show, and who you definitely know as the PC in those Mac vs. PC commercials. I think his greatest claim to fame, however, is that he used to be Bruce Campbell’s literary agent.

And, speaking of Bruce Campbell.

Chay-BONE!

Michael Chabon, scholar-laureate of all things comic-booky, explores the ontological meaning of the superhero costume in this month’s style issue of The New Yorker.

Included here for no other reason than to fill the void of accomplishment left behind by my indolence. Wait, did I say indolence? I meant lethargy!

LWOT Magazine: Winter 2008

Featuring:

An excerpt from Nathan Whitlock's new novel A Week of This.

A classic tale from Confederation of Literature Medal-Winner Darren O'Groussny.

New stories from Nathaniel G. Moore, Ross Bragg, Mike Allison, Carin Makuz, and Jenny Bruekelaar.

"Bugs: a Culinary Guide" in Maisonneuve

"Want I should clean the bugs off yer windshield?"

Read it here.

Coming Soon...

"How did I get here, Kyushu?"

"Masters of Kung-Fu" in The Fiddlehead

My infantile whining gets results!

Read an excerpt of “Masters of Kung-Fu” here (I swear, that bio was funny when I wrote it two years ago).

Special thanks to Mark Anthony Jarman, who – as anyone who has submitted work to The Fiddlehead probably knows – is the most thoughtful, generous, and lustrously-bearded fiction editor in Canada.

Masterpieces of Kung-Fu

To celebrate the publication of “Masters of Kung-Fu” in the current issue of The Fiddlehead, rent these classic martial arts films, all of which are referenced in the story.

King of the Kickboxers Climactic Battle: Loren Avadon, the Keanu Reeves of early 80s low-budget martial arts flicks, fights a pre-Tae-Bo Billy Blanks in a bamboo cage jungle-deathmatch.

Breathing Fire Jonathan Ke Quan (best known as “Short Round” from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom) faces off against the legendary acting skills of kickboxing champion Jerry Trimble (best known as “Injured Detective” from Heat).

Challenger Ryan Ross, LWOT Magazine’s senior editor, stars as a noodle-armed pansy who – through numerous training montages set to inspirational 80s rock music – prepares for a showdown against his arch-rival, Sampson McSlamfist. Special guest appearance by Jared Young, as “Henchman #3”.

It's Funny Because it's True!

What I tried to say in a juvenile, sarcastic, and self-aggrandizing way is said here, by Stephen Marche, with eloquence and class.

"Setting is everything in Canadian fiction. Plots don't matter much. There are only a few plots anyway: recovering from historical or familial trauma through the healing power of whatever (most common); uncovering historical or family secrets and thereby achieving redemption (close second); coming of age (distant third place).

The characters are mostly the same: The only thing that changes is the location of the massacred grandmother, what kind of booze the alcoholic father drinks himself into fits with, what particular creed is being revealed, in deft and daring ways, as both beautifully transcendent and oppressive."

I think he's been reading my diary...

Jared Young Attends ReLit Awards, Leaves Empty-Handed, Drunk

I’d say it was an honor just to be nominated, but, sadly, they haven’t yet invented a category that recognizes the year’s most obscure reference to an early 90s PC Computer Game.

Support this year’s winners by purchasing numerous copies of their books and distributing them to family, friends, and strangers on the street:

Novel: Ivan “The Beltbuckle” Coyote, for Bow Grip.
Short Fiction: Bill “Guinea Pig” Gaston, for Gargoyles.
Poetry: “The Leaping Lanny Popoff of Contemporary Poetry” Daniel Scott Tysdal, for Predicting the Next Big Advertising Breakthrough Using a Potentially Dangerous Method.

Special thanks to Kenneth J. Harvey, ReLit founder, who seems to be slowly creeping up on Margaret Atwood for the title of most internationally-recognized Canadian writer. Buy his books, so that, years from now, you can look down on your friends with derision and scorn, roll your eyes, and say, “I totally started reading him, like, years ago!"

Jared Young Attends Writersfest, Lingers Awkwardly

Disguised as just another lit-scene hanger-on, I crashed the Ottawa International Writers Festival last night, where I attended readings by the eloquent David Gilmour, pleasantly cantankerous Gil Courtemanche, surprisingly British Marina Lewycka, and freakishly tall Michael Winter.

Before the first session began, Winter sat down next to me in the back row, and despite my complete lack of social aptitude I managed to come up with the perfect ice-breaker: “Can you watch my bag while I get a drink?”

To Mr. Winter’s credit, he did a great job. When I returned, my bag was just as I’d left it.

"Outline for a Canadian Novel" in LWOT

I know what you're thinking: "Jared, how did you manage to get this marginal piece of writing into one of the world's preeminent fiction publications?"

The truth is, the editors are big fans of embittered smart-assed diatribes against successful individuals and/or institutions that serve to assuage an author’s feelings of inadequacy and allow them to temporarily fight off the pervasive sense of failure that threatens to suffocate them during quiet moments of reflection.

Also, they’re big fans of Iron Man. The trailer rocks hard!

Read "Outline for a Canadian Novel" here. Fans of Wayne Johnston can post their hateful responses at the comments link below.

LWOT's October Fall Classic!

Featuring stories from award-winning novelist Kenneth Radu, the First Lady of Canadian Fiction Stacey May Fowles, acclaimed author Richard Scarsbrook, Jeremy Wexler, J.A. Tyler, Amanda Earl, Jessica Harris, Chris Canniff, and some idiot who has destroyed his hopes of a career in literature by making fun of Jim Bartley...

Celebrate Canadian Literature here!

Jared Young is in Maisonneuve...Again

My piece "Bugging Out," which follows my adventures as an amateur entomophagist, will appear in the November issue of Maisonneuve. Apparently the editors of this award-winning magazine haven't learned their lesson. Word on the street is that the summer issue, which featured my story "Afternoons in Exile" was the lowest-selling issue since their All-NAMBLA Fiction Cavalcade.

Speical thanks to Carmine Starnino, Associate Editor at Maisonneuve (and award-winning poet), who somehow managed to sculpt my meandering nonsense into something readable. And props to the vendor on Soi 26, who always deep-fried the locusts just the way I liked them...

Jared Young is Anthologized

Two of my McSweeney’s pieces will be appearing in an upcoming McSweeney’s anthology. Enjoy them for free at the links below.

"John Updike, Television Writer"

"Possible Reasons My Short Stories are so Poorly Reviewed by the Other Members of My Writers' Workshop"

This is extra cool news, as McSweeney's founder Dave Eggers recently received $250,000 from the Heinz Foundation for his literary philanthropy. I'm honored that some of that charity money will be going straight into my pocket. Ironically, I'll probably spend it on ketchup. Ketchup and crsytal meth. Crystal meth is how I come up with brilliant stuff like John Updike writing Gilligan's Island.

"The Corrections" in On Spec

My story "The Corrections" will soon appear in an upcoming issue of Canada’s premiere speculative fiction magazine, On Spec. Like Terminator, it’s a rousing tale of technology gone wrong. If you like Twilight Zone-style twist-endings and the street-smart orphan charm of Edward Furlong, this is the story for you. Also, I've heard that the author has rippling biceps and a chiseled, manly jawline. So, if you're into that kind of thing...

Fun Fact: Round out your Corrections experience by reading Jonathan Franzen’s award-winning novel of the same name. Quite possibly my favorite book of all time.

LWOT Inter-Net Relaunch Spectacular!

Summer blockbuster season is upon us! Featuring work from acclaimed novelist Craig Davidson, First Lady of Canadian Fiction Stacey May Fowles, regular McSweeney's contributor Jake Swearingen, and Canadian literary giant Gradey Alexander, LWOT's Inter-Net Relaunch Spectacular is truly the Transformers of online fiction magazines!

Contribute to our opening weekend grosses by clicking here.

"We Were Happy, Sometimes" in Pindeldyboz

Click here to explode your brain with awesome writing!

"Afternoons in Exile" in Maisonneuve

Whet your appetite by reading the first two heartbreakingly nerdy paragraphs here. Then go out and buy a copy of the magazine, if only to gape in wonderment at Jack Dylan's beautiful illustrations (yes, that's me in the No Fear T-shirt).

LWOT Magazine Inter-Net Relaunch Speactacular!

Part of my continuing efforts to turn Matt Windle into the new David Suzuki…

Jared Young Celebrates Anniversary by Advocating Infidelilty

My story "How To Go To a Hotel Room With a Girl Who Isn’t Your Girlfriend" is currently being featured at Word Riot.

According to their website, Word Riot features "writing from some of the best and brightest making waves on the literary scene." If you add the words “handsome” and “chiseled abs” to that statement, then it describes me perfectly.

Read the story here.

In related news, my girlfriend and I are celebrating our second anniversary today. I can hardly believe that it’s been two years since we first drunkenly hooked up. And what better way to celebrate than with this heartbreaking tale of cuckoldry and betrayal!

Pindeldyboz Has Low Standards

One of the coolest American story magazines will feature a piece of mine in next month's online edition. In its illustrious seven-year history, work from Pindeldyboz has been anthologized in Best American Non-Required Reading and New Stories From The South. They've also previously published stories from such renowned Youngs as Mike Young, Joseph Young, and Theresa Young.

Check out their work at the links below, and judge for yourself who is the greatest Young ever to appear in Pindeldyboz.

My Four Best Friends by Mike Young
Monks by Joseph Young
7 Reports From The Road by Joseph Young
Drug/Dope by Joseph Young
Holiday Horoscopes by Theresa Young