Jared Young Writes...

LWOT: Winter 2010

2010-01-22T05:00:00.005+07:00

The new issue of LWOT: The World's Greatest Fiction Magazine, is now available for electro-perusal through the magic of your internets-machine! Featuring stories from award-winner Kenneth Radu, Lindsay Foran, Richard Scarsbrook, Rebecca Chua, Crystal Bourque, and Frank Talaber.

Jared Young is Interviewed

2009-02-25T23:41:00.004+07:00

Pick up the latest issue of On Spec to gain some fascinating insights into the life and times of your favorite writer. No, not Dean Koontz, Master of Suspense. Jared Young, Master of Awkward Silences.

The interview was conducted by the very patient and multi-talented Roberta Laurie, who somehow managed to make my inane, self-centered ramblings seem coherent. For example:

“I just think that there is a lot more to Canadian writing than what is broadly published and marketed as representative of our national literature. It's not all alcoholic bush-pilots and quirky immigrant families in Toronto/Montreal. Why can't killer lava-robots from Alpha-Centauri be representative of a Canadian aesthetic?”

If I can be remembered for just one quote, that better be it.

Rabbit at Rest: John Updike 1932-2009

2009-01-28T09:34:00.003+07:00

An Excerpt: The Laziest Generation

2009-01-27T07:57:00.005+07:00

"Can you tell, Kyushu? We’re not that big on work, my peers and I. It’s not just me; we’re an entire generation that despises and detests and loathes and abhors our jobs. There is a disconnect between our sense of survival and the concept of work; the very concept of work, in fact, is incomprehensible to us. Why do we do it? We don’t know. The connection between work and subsistence is so far behind us it has blurred into the horizon along with other historical notions like fiefdom and human sacrifice and cracking rocks together to make flame. Work is simply that thing that comes after school, the thing you do during weekdays when you’re not living your life. But we’re not lazy, Kyushu. No, it has nothing to do with ambition or enthusiasm. Our work is simply too obscure, too transitory, too inexplicable: we run programming tests on software that tests the programming of embedded hardware; we create and manage marketing communications plans for the managers of online marketing companies; we develop development reports for developers in developing countries. No one builds things anymore. There are no more factories, no more trades. Where’s the fulfillment that railroad men must have felt when the ties and slats and rails they bound carried the weight of some iron behemoth hurtling towards a mysterious far coast. Where’s that solid sense of accomplishment that comes with the creation of a simple physical object, a strut or bolt, a thing you can carry in your hand. The fruits of our labor exist, for the most part, in some theoretical phantom-zone. There is no strut, there is no train. We trade in an economy of opinion. And those weekly paychecks we’ve been raised to worship? Nothing more than anachronistic totems of the defunct economic past. These compound job titles? Fashion accessories as easily changed and exchanged as a vehicle or stereo or T-shirt."

Jared Young Lives...

2008-12-10T04:55:00.006+07:00

Alive? Yep.

Well? Fairly.

Writing? As always.

Crippled by all-consuming fear of failure as each passing minute squanders another small bit of diminishing potential for greatness? Absolutely!

Best not to think about it. Hey, look, pretty pictures!

Reviews: Jared Young is "Pretty Good, Too"

2008-07-25T02:40:00.005+07:00

Here are the brilliant and insightful reviews of The McSweeney's Joke Book of Book Jokes that, rightly, mention me by name:

Citizen Reader
Blogcritics Magazine
Small Spiral Notebook (which somehow makes reference to my essay that was cut from the final draft)

As well, here are some supposed "media outlets" that felt it uneccessary to single me out in their poorly-written, gender-biased reviews.

Slate
Publisher's Weekly
Bookgasm

Also, NPR produced a short segment on the book, in which they apparently run out of time before they can discuss the unadulterated brilliance of my contribution. You can listen to it anyways, by going here.

Jared Young Has Nothing to Brag About

2008-07-18T21:47:00.001+07:00

In the meantime, watch this.

Coming Soon...

2008-05-14T03:30:00.004+07:00

"You see, Kyushu: the crumbling plane, the nameless time-travel experience…that isn’t the interesting part."

Maisonneuve Nominated for Magazine of the Year

2008-05-02T00:24:00.005+07:00

Buoyed by the inclusion of my transcendent work, Maisonneuve is up for "Magazine of the Year" at the National Magazine Awards. Finally, Pro Wrestling Illustrated's long reign comes to an end.

Maisonneuve is also up for awards in the Fiction, Investigative Reporting, Politics & Public Interest, and Science, Technology & Environment categories. As well, the cover of the food issue (above) was nominated for Best Cover, thanks in no small part to my tiny, tiny by-line. It really brought the overleaf together.

See the full list of nominees here.

The McSweeney's Joke Book Of Book Jokes

2008-03-18T22:55:00.007+07:00

The finest humor anthology ever written is now available at Chapters and Amazon. It’s the perfect gift for book-snobs who like to make obscure literary references at parties to conceal their friendless self-loathing.

My piece even gets a shout-out on the jacket. The back of the jacket, that is. I’m going to have my publicist look into that. Simply unacceptable. If I’ve told her once, I’ve told her a thousand times…twenty-point font with glitter outline.

The book also features an introduction from John Hodgeman, who you might know from The Daily Show, and who you definitely know as the PC in those Mac vs. PC commercials. I think his greatest claim to fame, however, is that he used to be Bruce Campbell’s literary agent.

And, speaking of Bruce Campbell.

Chay-BONE!

2008-03-06T02:59:00.004+07:00

Michael Chabon, scholar-laureate of all things comic-booky, explores the ontological meaning of the superhero costume in this month’s style issue of The New Yorker.

Included here for no other reason than to fill the void of accomplishment left behind by my indolence. Wait, did I say indolence? I meant lethargy!

LWOT Magazine: Winter 2008

2008-02-10T05:33:00.000+07:00

Featuring:

An excerpt from Nathan Whitlock's new novel A Week of This.

A classic tale from Confederation of Literature Medal-Winner Darren O'Groussny.

New stories from Nathaniel G. Moore, Ross Bragg, Mike Allison, Carin Makuz, and Jenny Bruekelaar.

"Bugs: a Culinary Guide" in Maisonneuve

2007-12-25T00:34:00.001+07:00

"Want I should clean the bugs off yer windshield?"

Read it here.

Coming Soon...

2007-12-19T11:35:00.001+07:00

"How did I get here, Kyushu?"

"Masters of Kung-Fu" in The Fiddlehead

2007-11-22T10:14:00.000+07:00

My infantile whining gets results!

Read an excerpt of “Masters of Kung-Fu” here (I swear, that bio was funny when I wrote it two years ago).

Special thanks to Mark Anthony Jarman, who – as anyone who has submitted work to The Fiddlehead probably knows – is the most thoughtful, generous, and lustrously-bearded fiction editor in Canada.

Masterpieces of Kung-Fu

2007-11-18T04:49:00.000+07:00

To celebrate the publication of “Masters of Kung-Fu” in the current issue of The Fiddlehead, rent these classic martial arts films, all of which are referenced in the story.

King of the Kickboxers Climactic Battle: Loren Avadon, the Keanu Reeves of early 80s low-budget martial arts flicks, fights a pre-Tae-Bo Billy Blanks in a bamboo cage jungle-deathmatch.

Breathing Fire Jonathan Ke Quan (best known as “Short Round” from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom) faces off against the legendary acting skills of kickboxing champion Jerry Trimble (best known as “Injured Detective” from Heat).

Challenger Ryan Ross, LWOT Magazine’s senior editor, stars as a noodle-armed pansy who – through numerous training montages set to inspirational 80s rock music – prepares for a showdown against his arch-rival, Sampson McSlamfist. Special guest appearance by Jared Young, as “Henchman #3”.

It's Funny Because it's True!

2007-10-24T08:32:00.000+07:00

What I tried to say in a juvenile, sarcastic, and self-aggrandizing way is said here, by Stephen Marche, with eloquence and class.

"Setting is everything in Canadian fiction. Plots don't matter much. There are only a few plots anyway: recovering from historical or familial trauma through the healing power of whatever (most common); uncovering historical or family secrets and thereby achieving redemption (close second); coming of age (distant third place).

The characters are mostly the same: The only thing that changes is the location of the massacred grandmother, what kind of booze the alcoholic father drinks himself into fits with, what particular creed is being revealed, in deft and daring ways, as both beautifully transcendent and oppressive."

I think he's been reading my diary...

Jared Young Attends ReLit Awards, Leaves Empty-Handed, Drunk

2007-10-23T08:15:00.000+07:00

I’d say it was an honor just to be nominated, but, sadly, they haven’t yet invented a category that recognizes the year’s most obscure reference to an early 90s PC Computer Game.

Support this year’s winners by purchasing numerous copies of their books and distributing them to family, friends, and strangers on the street:

Novel: Ivan “The Beltbuckle” Coyote, for Bow Grip.
Short Fiction: Bill “Guinea Pig” Gaston, for Gargoyles.
Poetry: “The Leaping Lanny Popoff of Contemporary Poetry” Daniel Scott Tysdal, for Predicting the Next Big Advertising Breakthrough Using a Potentially Dangerous Method.

Special thanks to Kenneth J. Harvey, ReLit founder, who seems to be slowly creeping up on Margaret Atwood for the title of most internationally-recognized Canadian writer. Buy his books, so that, years from now, you can look down on your friends with derision and scorn, roll your eyes, and say, “I totally started reading him, like, years ago!"

Jared Young Attends Writersfest, Lingers Awkwardly

2007-10-21T00:59:00.000+07:00

Disguised as just another lit-scene hanger-on, I crashed the Ottawa International Writers Festival last night, where I attended readings by the eloquent David Gilmour, pleasantly cantankerous Gil Courtemanche, surprisingly British Marina Lewycka, and freakishly tall Michael Winter.

Before the first session began, Winter sat down next to me in the back row, and despite my complete lack of social aptitude I managed to come up with the perfect ice-breaker: “Can you watch my bag while I get a drink?”

To Mr. Winter’s credit, he did a great job. When I returned, my bag was just as I’d left it.

"Outline for a Canadian Novel" in LWOT

2007-10-16T08:30:00.000+07:00

I know what you're thinking: "Jared, how did you manage to get this marginal piece of writing into one of the world's preeminent fiction publications?"

The truth is, the editors are big fans of embittered smart-assed diatribes against successful individuals and/or institutions that serve to assuage an author’s feelings of inadequacy and allow them to temporarily fight off the pervasive sense of failure that threatens to suffocate them during quiet moments of reflection.

Also, they’re big fans of Iron Man. The trailer rocks hard!

Read "Outline for a Canadian Novel" here. Fans of Wayne Johnston can post their hateful responses at the comments link below.

LWOT's October Fall Classic!

2007-10-15T05:24:00.000+07:00

Featuring stories from award-winning novelist Kenneth Radu, the First Lady of Canadian Fiction Stacey May Fowles, acclaimed author Richard Scarsbrook, Jeremy Wexler, J.A. Tyler, Amanda Earl, Jessica Harris, Chris Canniff, and some idiot who has destroyed his hopes of a career in literature by making fun of Jim Bartley...

Celebrate Canadian Literature here!

Jared Young is in Maisonneuve...Again

2007-09-17T06:35:00.001+07:00

My piece "Bugging Out," which follows my adventures as an amateur entomophagist, will appear in the November issue of Maisonneuve. Apparently the editors of this award-winning magazine haven't learned their lesson. Word on the street is that the summer issue, which featured my story "Afternoons in Exile" was the lowest-selling issue since their All-NAMBLA Fiction Cavalcade.

Speical thanks to Carmine Starnino, Associate Editor at Maisonneuve (and award-winning poet), who somehow managed to sculpt my meandering nonsense into something readable. And props to the vendor on Soi 26, who always deep-fried the locusts just the way I liked them...

Jared Young is Anthologized

2007-09-14T06:41:00.000+07:00

Two of my McSweeney’s pieces will be appearing in an upcoming McSweeney’s anthology. Enjoy them for free at the links below.

"John Updike, Television Writer"

"Possible Reasons My Short Stories are so Poorly Reviewed by the Other Members of My Writers' Workshop"

This is extra cool news, as McSweeney's founder Dave Eggers recently received $250,000 from the Heinz Foundation for his literary philanthropy. I'm honored that some of that charity money will be going straight into my pocket. Ironically, I'll probably spend it on ketchup. Ketchup and crsytal meth. Crystal meth is how I come up with brilliant stuff like John Updike writing Gilligan's Island.

"The Corrections" in On Spec

2007-09-06T06:27:00.000+07:00

My story "The Corrections" will soon appear in an upcoming issue of Canada’s premiere speculative fiction magazine, On Spec. Like Terminator, it’s a rousing tale of technology gone wrong. If you like Twilight Zone-style twist-endings and the street-smart orphan charm of Edward Furlong, this is the story for you. Also, I've heard that the author has rippling biceps and a chiseled, manly jawline. So, if you're into that kind of thing...

Fun Fact: Round out your Corrections experience by reading Jonathan Franzen’s award-winning novel of the same name. Quite possibly my favorite book of all time.

LWOT Inter-Net Relaunch Spectacular!

2007-07-04T03:09:00.000+07:00

Summer blockbuster season is upon us! Featuring work from acclaimed novelist Craig Davidson, First Lady of Canadian Fiction Stacey May Fowles, regular McSweeney's contributor Jake Swearingen, and Canadian literary giant Gradey Alexander, LWOT's Inter-Net Relaunch Spectacular is truly the Transformers of online fiction magazines!

Contribute to our opening weekend grosses by clicking here.

"We Were Happy, Sometimes" in Pindeldyboz

2007-06-28T12:30:00.001+07:00

Click here to explode your brain with awesome writing!

"Afternoons in Exile" in Maisonneuve

2007-06-17T22:22:00.000+07:00

Whet your appetite by reading the first two heartbreakingly nerdy paragraphs here. Then go out and buy a copy of the magazine, if only to gape in wonderment at Jack Dylan's beautiful illustrations (yes, that's me in the No Fear T-shirt).

LWOT Magazine Inter-Net Relaunch Speactacular!

2007-06-06T11:36:00.000+07:00

Part of my continuing efforts to turn Matt Windle into the new David Suzuki…

Jared Young Celebrates Anniversary by Advocating Infidelilty

2007-05-16T16:13:00.000+07:00

My story "How To Go To a Hotel Room With a Girl Who Isn’t Your Girlfriend" is currently being featured at Word Riot.

According to their website, Word Riot features "writing from some of the best and brightest making waves on the literary scene." If you add the words “handsome” and “chiseled abs” to that statement, then it describes me perfectly.

Read the story here.

In related news, my girlfriend and I are celebrating our second anniversary today. I can hardly believe that it’s been two years since we first drunkenly hooked up. And what better way to celebrate than with this heartbreaking tale of cuckoldry and betrayal!

Pindeldyboz Has Low Standards

2007-05-07T19:13:00.000+07:00

One of the coolest American story magazines will feature a piece of mine in next month's online edition. In its illustrious seven-year history, work from Pindeldyboz has been anthologized in Best American Non-Required Reading and New Stories From The South. They've also previously published stories from such renowned Youngs as Mike Young, Joseph Young, and Theresa Young.

Check out their work at the links below, and judge for yourself who is the greatest Young ever to appear in Pindeldyboz.

My Four Best Friends by Mike Young
Monks by Joseph Young
7 Reports From The Road by Joseph Young
Drug/Dope by Joseph Young
Holiday Horoscopes by Theresa Young

Jared Young is the Managing Editor of LWOT

2007-04-17T11:51:00.001+07:00

What more is there to say? They’ve foolishly put me behind the wheel of the oldest fiction magazine in Canada. I vow that I will do my best to keep from driving it off the road, into a tree, or off a cliff.

I also vow, if I do happen to drive off a cliff, I will do it in spectacular, Toonces The Driving Cat-style.

Learn more about LWOT at the magazine's official website.

Once Again, Jared Young is a Finalist

2007-04-11T16:33:00.000+07:00

For the second year in a row, I was named a finalist in the Walrus Magazine/SLS Fiction Contest. It sounds impressive, but, to be honest, it’s sort of like winning fourth place in a beauty contest. The judges are basically saying: “You looked great in that bathing suit, but your rendition of Wind Beneath My Wings left something to be desired.”

Last year’s fiction judge was Margaret Atwood, and this year it was Douglas Coupland. I’ve never heard of these two jokers before, so I can only assume they have no idea what great writing is all about.

Still, the SLS is a pretty popular contest, and each year receives thousands of entries from around the world. I was generously offered a partial scholarship to attend the summer workshop in St. Petersburg, though unfortunately the dates conflict with my ten-year high school reunion.

Hang out with a bunch of aspiring writers in Russia, or get drunk and make a fool of myself in front of my childhood friends and their spouses?

That’s not even a choice.

Jared Young Fun Fact: I keep a running tab of all the writers I’ve lost contests to, and plan to one day exact my revenge! Watch your back, Ali Riley!

Jared Young Will Open the Summer Fiction Issue of Maisonneuve

2007-04-02T09:43:00.000+07:00

Both literally and figuratively.

One of my stories, as yet untitled, will appear at the front of Maisonneueve's Summer Fiction Spectacular, on newsstands in June. Like most of the stuff I write, it's about girls and comic books. And magical ponies. Also, zombies. So, you know, your run-of-the-mill zombie-pony coming-of-age story.

Maisonneuve, as many of you might now, is one of the coolest, hippest magazines around. Well, it was, until they brought me on board. Let's hope that this tragic mistake doesn't cost them too many readers.

Check out the Maisonneueve website here.

Fiddlehuh?

2007-03-28T23:36:00.000+07:00

If you picked up the latest issue of The Fiddlehead expecting to find a thrilling piece of literature rife with beautiful metaphors and obscure references to 1980s martial arts movies, and instead found only the usual assortment of stories and poems, you're probably wondering what's going on. Well, so am I.

I can only assume that my story was too emotionally powerful, too psychologically profound, and when they tried to print it the paper spontaneously burst into flames.

For those of you who don't know, the publishing world moves about as quickly as a sprinter with multiple sclerosis: Masters of Kung-Fu was accepted for publication about a year ago, and now, having been bumped, it likely won't see print until September. Consider the four months it takes for a magazine to respond to a manuscript, and the hundreds of painful hours it takes to write a story in the first place, it can sometimes be almost three years before the idea in your head is printed on fancy magazine paper.

Here are some other things that take three years:

* High school.
* The intitial design, testing, manufacturing, and selling of a new automobile.
* Preparing a condor to be released from captivity.
* Becoming a legal immigrant in Canada.
* Building a Boeing C-17.
* Building and launching a satellite into outer space.
* Navy SEAL training.
* A three year-old kid.

Seriously, though, multiple sclerosis is a devastating disease, and I urge everyone to support your local branch of the Multiple Sclerosis Society of Canada.

Coming Soon...

2007-03-25T13:11:00.000+07:00

Lack of Recent Accomplishments Prevents Jared Young from Updating Blog...

2007-03-02T14:05:00.000+07:00

So, instead of the usual desperate boasting, here are some totally random links:

Something for the Nerds...
Something for the Fanboys...
Something for the Film geeks...
Something for the Groupies...

Jared Young is Quoted by Famous People

2007-02-08T15:50:00.000+07:00

Brian K. Vaughan, prolific comic book scribe, and, more recently, staff writer on the television series Lost, quoted a big chunk of my Pride of Baghdad review on his website this week. He also totally dropped my name, probably because I'm such a well-respected critic. He's obviously trying to capitalize on my fame. Honestly, what kind of person posts a story on their website because someone famous talked about them? That's just sad.

BKV was also kind enough to call my review "well-written", which is a nice change of pace, if you consider how people usually respond to my stuff.

Read the whole thing at the link below:

http://www.bkv.tv/pages/news.html

Jared Young Draws Things

2007-01-25T22:53:00.000+07:00

People have often asked me: "Jared, what would happen if you woke up in the jungle with no memory of how you got there?"

Well, here's your answer (in comic book form).

John Updike, Television Writer

2007-01-10T22:26:00.000+07:00

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2007/1/10young.html

Pride of Baghdad Review

2007-01-07T20:17:00.000+07:00

Here it is (finally).

http://www.thestar.com/artsentertainment/article/168568

Thanks again to Dan Smith at the Toronto Star, who actually went out and bought a copy of the book to check it out (it's a hardcover, so it ain't cheap).

Update: Got a copy of the paper in the mail; beautiful two-page spread in the Books section, lots of colorful pictures, and they put my name in bold...probably becacuse I'm so famous.

"This Is How" in Grain Magazine

2007-01-06T17:59:00.000+07:00

My short story "This Is How" is in the current issue of Grain Magazine, which is available at most magazine shops, independent bookstores, and, occasionally, at Chapters (though their selection of literary magazines often sucks).

Basically, it's the story of my grandfather, who died before I got to meet him. Also, there's a heist. And robots. And the robots fight dinosaurs. And Will Smith makes a cameo as a street-smart cop/rapper who punches the robots and then says clever one-liners, like: "I ain't playin' boy!" and "How d'you like me now, bitch!"

Sounds awesome, right? Go check out the Grain website at the link below, and I'll post a scan when I get the chance.

http://www.grainmagazine.ca/currentissue.htm

Jared Young Draws Comics, Proves High School Guidance Counselor Wrong

2006-12-12T21:42:00.000+07:00

A preview of a little side-project I'm working on with Irish writer Martin Hayes. It features Rod Serling-esque ironic social commentary AND the finest depiction of dog feces ever rendered by the hand of man. In short, something for everyone.

Click the pictures to look at my pretty drawings.

Jared Young Slanders a Living Legend

2006-12-06T18:29:00.000+07:00

My strange obsession with writing John Updike-related humor pieces is finally paying off. Sometime in the next few weeks, McSweeney's will be featuring an essay that's full of obscure literary references that I hope will make me look smart. It's sure to be enjoyed by everyone who read "Couples" in 1968.

As always, I'll post a link when it's up.

Jared Young Reviews Pride of Baghdad, Ruins Ending For Millions

2006-11-30T21:21:00.000+07:00

My review of Brian K. Vaughan's graphic novel Pride of Baghdad will appear in next Sunday's edition of the Toronto Star, Canada's most widely read newspaper (yeah, I thought it was The Globe and Mail, too...I guess Toronto really is the center of the universe).

I think it's cool that a major North American newspaper is dedicating space to a 1,000+ word comic book review. In the rare instance that a graphic novel gets mentioned in the mainstream printed press, it's usually just a paragraph or two, and the criticism can be pretty superficial. So, kudos to the Star, and to book section editor Dan Smith, who made it happen.

Rosco Gets Punched, Wins Prize

2006-11-26T14:29:00.000+07:00

Congratulations to Ryan Ross, who won first prize in the Fight Story Contest over on Craig Davidson's blog. Receiving a vicious beating at the hands of a fourteen year-old would normally be a source of debilitating shame, but Rosco has managed to turn it into glory (in the form of a signed copy of Davidson's book, and the bloody shirt Davidson wore in a fight to promote his book).

Read the entirely non-fictional story at the link below.

http://www.penguinblogs.ca/davidson/archives/00000119.html

And for those of you who have never read Davidson's insightful, scrotum-shrinkingly hilarious blog, do it now. Or else Rosco will bleed all over you.

Jared Young Appreciates Literary Criticism

2006-11-24T00:00:00.000+07:00

To commemorate the upcoming publication of "Masters of Kung-Fu" in The Fiddlehead, here is an insightful critical review from one of the thoughtful readers over on the Zoetrope website.

"Your story is well written. I can find no fault with it other than I despised the characters. I am reminded of pimpled teens playing dungeuns and dragons or the Karate Kid and bad local papers bursting with fluff. Like I said it is well written. That is all. I cannot relate to cowards...enjoy reading about them...or pretend that they should be written about in a flattering light. It wasn't cute, a tear jerker, or even faintly amusing. I think you ought to lay off the comic books and pick up a volume of Nietzche or Bukowski...that is: try to locate your nuts. Use the Kung Fu of words, and next time break some bones, sodomize a few syphiliptic whores, and live and write like Rimbaud, not a cripled weasel."

In my defence, I have a yellow belt in the Kung-Fu of Words. And I know exactly where my nuts are (in a jar on my girlfriend's dresser).